Writing love letters with your life.
This weekend is the weekend I told myself (and some others, too) that I'd be getting to the piles. The piles of papers I need to continue completing for our adoption of you, beloveds.If I'm honest, it has been really hard. The waiting isn't hard for me, yet. The time-line and the knowing you may be out there and not with us, those things don't even feel real to me, yet...and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I am so overwhelmed by papers and the need to be organized (which you will see, is something I AM NOT...and it frustrates me), that I'm unable to see beyond the pile. I'm not yet able to know you're out there, possible lonely, possible praying for a family. I'm sorry. I'm asking friends and God for help- for motivation, for understanding and some bit of organization miracle - however small - so that I am not stopped in my tracks. Please know, we want you, we do! But the unknowns just seem to big, too far away...so it doesn't FEEL how I want it to feel.Today I read from the beautiful words of Ann over on A HOLY EXPERIENCE. She writes this about the power of love and her relationship with her husband and her God.
"I look him in the eye. Why? Why would he? 'I love you.' He says it simply. Says it sure into the wind.
And this is why. Love is not passion. It is the pulse of sacrifice.
Marital love is a demanding and dying thing compared to the stuff of movies and mirages. The love of imagination — it’s a different beast entirely than love made in the image of a Saviour with nails in His hands. The Farmer writes little with pens. He’s a man who prefers to write his love letters with his life. I need to write down my thanks."
For some reason, this made me think of you, beloveds. It made me think of Dan, too. Your future daddy who "writes his love letters with his life"....you will see, and you will love him for it!
But I think of you, because sometimes "Love is not passion. It is the pulse of sacrifice". Sometimes we can't FEEL it. But we know that we are moving towards something big when it requires a sacrifice. I'm not saying that adopting you is a sacrifice...truly it is the opposite. So much has been sacrificed in your little lives already. Your stability, your security, safety, sense of home. Your parents- the ones who had the amazing privilege of bringing you into this heart-breaking, beautiful world. That is the biggest sacrifice that you've experienced- and it's not fair to you or to your hearts.
But God.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
There are many instances in His Word that reveal the fact that God has the power to overcome any circumstance. But God....sustains, saves, restores, heals, loves. The God of Love has a reputation of bringing good things out of evil. Bringing beauty from ashes, a spirit of praise from a spirit of despair, light instead of dark, hope instead of hopelessness. I'm clinging to Him because I know He has called us. He has already gone before us in this process. He has raised up a community of people to help us bring you home. Already 10,000 reasons and more - the ways He's showing us that He's committed. He's behind this plan, and He's in it all the way.
I'm praying for the same heart.